Walking In Your Shoes E5 Residency and Relationships

By Cheyenne Stillson

Residency and Relationships

It is a common notion that friends come and go throughout life depending on shared experiences, time frames, and eras.

Friendships and relationships are critical in the residency era. It is such a transitional time for so many families, single residents, married residents, etc. So an important aspect of making residency an enjoyable process is building a community.

Luckily, you have a head-start with the actual residency cohort, but that doesn’t mean that you will immediately align with every person in your cohort. You may have to seek community outside of your cohort as well. In our experience, we have been grateful to be surrounded by high-quality people in the residency program, but we have also made efforts to meet other locals in the community, which has served us well!

Finding new friendships is no easy feat – in fact, it takes a lot of energy  – but worth it. With residency being quite a heavy and seemingly long process, we need all the support we can get…whether from family, new friendships, or others within your community.

The Triple Threat

In our case, the most important relationship to maintain is our own. We work to protect it at all costs, through thick and thin.

If I were to offer three keywords to define how to best maintain a relationship through residency, I would say: Effort, Engagement, and Energy.

This goes for married couples, families, or single friends. Any relationship takes effort – which typically means doing something for the other when it may not be something you particularly care to do.

The effort includes taking an extra step, listening for another hour, staying up an hour later, doing chores you don’t normally do, being patient when you are tired, etc.

Yet, engagement may perhaps be the most important tip for success. In any relationship, both the resident and spouse/ family/ or friend may be tired for different reasons. Tiredness opens the doors for miscommunication, lack of interest, and irritation. I have experienced first-hand the difference between true engagement versus passive engagement (guilty as charged). I can guarantee that you and your significant others will feel far more seen, cared for, and loved if you allow space for full attention to what they need to say or do – whether it is 5 minutes or 2 hours…create space.

Lastly, energy also plays a crucial role in maintaining or finding relationships. Even if you feel that your energy is depleted, it is important to fuel your body and mind with the intent to create a connection. I have learned that low energy can sometimes create lower energy if you are not intentional about how to best preserve your health and time. I have learned that if we focus on taking care of ourselves individually, then we are able to provide positive energy to each other.

The key is learning how to “read the relationship” and discern when the other person in the relationship needs space, or time, or help in their self-care routine. Energy feeds energy – so protect your energy level at all costs so that it is consistent and benefits you and your relationships rather than put them at risk. Easier said than done, of course!!

Do you feel like you could use some coaching or support to help your marriage during residency, we offer professional coaching at SimpliMD and you can check out our options here.